Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
