she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
