The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize