My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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