Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
