did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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