If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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