I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
