my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
