just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
