i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
