oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
