Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
