Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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