my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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