Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
