you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
