So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
