What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
