She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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