I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize