the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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