True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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