i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
