white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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