did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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