They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
