1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
