After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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