seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
