made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
