I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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