my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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