So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
