so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
