I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
