I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
