If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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