I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
