Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Randomize
