just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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