It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this boner is exhausting
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
