I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
