so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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