i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
