I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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