We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
