he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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