the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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