Porn is love you can see.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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