Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
