physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.