3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.