A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today