she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16