I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i have two assholes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
