The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
