Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
