I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
