u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize