just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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