your parents love me but you hate me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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